Disclaimer: This article contains words specific to some institutes (for instance, IITB). For any terms you may be interested in, a glossary can be found at the end of the article. All characters mentioned in this post are very real, roam the corridors of all hostels and any resemblance to your batchmates is intentional and in no way co-incidental.

I just finished watching TVF Pitchers, the show everyone has been recommending for quite a few days. Now that is not something very relevant right now, but what if i told you I have my midsem tomorrow? Oh, time check… just 8 more hours to go. But my procrastinating mind, like every procrastinating mind insists that the examination is “tomorrow”. But why should any of these things concern you at all? I'll tell you why, because I realise, I am a victim of a crime quite common, soon to be punishable by the Penal Code, in the eventuality of time, hopefully, maybe.....yes, I have been RGed (refer glossary). It is not easy to realise that you are an RG victim, not until it is too late anyway. The offenders are often close to you and usually people you are on good terms with (or are you?). It is only in retrospect when you account for all the hours that disapparated right before your exams that you realise you are an RG victim. Accepting that you have fallen prey to this crime can be pretty difficult, so I will share my story in hopes that you may derive strength to share yours.

I had about 18 hours to finalise my preparation for my exam. With a hundred pages of photocopied notes, half a book and seventy numericals to go, time was a scarce resource. I flicked through the first thirty pages pretty quick because they had already come in a quiz I hadn't studied well for, but was still rather stale, not unlike today’s lunch at the mess. Seeking adventure and pastures greener, I wanted to be familiar with the newer part of the course. Fifteen minutes, two numericals and one inspirational song in, i was stumped. Fortunately, coerced help is not too far away. I went to the room next door, the room of the infallible and so far forgotten, maggu(refer glossary). I asked him for help and he denied it with a straight face, saying "Yaar, abhi mere ko bhi mugna hai. Baad mein aana". That was when I knew I had to try an alternative form of persuasion. So I fell to his feet, "Bhai bas paanch minute, ye samjha de fir main chala jaunga". He smirked and I knew my prayers have been answered. I got the thing "cleared" with a little bit of arbit(refer glossary) discussion and came back to my room an hour later. I hadn't even resumed "self-study" for a minute that I got thirsty. On my way to the water-cooler, I passed a familiar room, the source of 'happy' noises. I pushed the door and saw three of my classmates playing, on the laptop, a game of FIFA. I could see they were short of one. So I joined with a controller, thinking a 6-minute match shouldn't hurt. By the time I was done with FIFA there were just two of us, the guy who is talented and gets good grades even though you never see him study and me, who struggles to pass; the other two had left three matches ago. We got up and my eyes fell on my empty water bottle, (well not mine, but whoever it belonged to hasn't come to claim it so it IS mine) and I hit reality.

I rushed to the cooler and back to my room. I just had 13 more hours for my midsem. That was when I took a vow to study continuously, without getting distracted. So I proceeded to check my facebook for the last time before I switched on my Maggu Mode. All that I could see were old, embarassing pics of my friends and the rest of my friends posting funny comments. I thought it would be fun to post some too. My first comment went viral with half of my classmates liking and replying with LOL, LMAO, ROFL etc. I was flattered. I thought posting some more would showcase my impeccable sense of humour. Just then I saw a video caption with an interesting caption on how to 'study' better. Since I was about to study soon anyway I thought it might be good to check out this, ONE, video. The video was good so I thought I might send the link to some of my friends who might like it. As fate would have it, one of them lay in wait for me. He immediately replied, "kya bheja hai? ye sab videos ditch (refer glossary) kar aur TVF pitchers dekh".
"Aaj nahi. Kal exam hai". "Yaar, kal ka paper toh aasaan hai. Teen ghante mein ho jaega. Bas numericals ke solutions dekh le. Notes se easy questions aaenge." "Pakka na. Kyunki maine kuch khaas nahi padha hai. Agar kal ka paper tough aaya to teri GPL (refer glossary)." "Haan theek hai."

A guy agreeing to GPL? With that kind of assurance, I would attempt catching bullets with my eyebrows and one episode doesn't sound too bad either. So here I am, 4 hours of Pitchers later, reflecting on how I have been RGed. On top of that, I self-RGed for one hour by fantasizing how I would go about my idea of a start-up and another hour writing my story. Have you come across a crime of which you can be potential threat to yourself apart from others?

Kal mera midsem hai. Aur abhi raat ke do baje hai. Bas, lukkhagiri (refer glossary) band. Ab to padhna chahiye. Thoda canteen se aata hoon. Bhookh lagi hai. Phir pakka padhunga. Aaj toh night out (refer glossary) hai.


RG: Stands for Relative Grading. A system where your performance is measured against other people, you can get better grades than your peers either by climbing up or pulling them down. The latter is what we call RG.

RGed: If you are a victim of RG, you have been RGed.

Self-RG: Doing things that you know will affect your grades (not positively) but you do it anyway. Specially the night before exams.

Mug: Study or pretend to study.

Mugna: If you have to study, then "Tujhko mugna hai".

Maggu: A study enthusiast. The main reason why your grades are low is because this guy does too well.

Ditch: Stop doing something.

Lukkha: Time pass that take you places. Places such as Somewhere, Anywhere, Nowhere....especially Nowhere.

Lukkhagiri: Doing lukkha.

Arbit: Something you say when you can't think of anything to say.

Night out: Pulling an all nighter.